Y’all git laffin at them thar road signs


The above sign was in NYC and a similar one below, was on the way out of Vegas. They offer to help Americans to litigate someone.

Time drags a bit when you are on an elderly folks package tour but the road signs will keep you entertained.
Signage in USA is unsurpassed anywhere else in the world.

Signs offer to help to litigate someone if you got recently damaged. Is Vegas where you get very easily damaged? Maybe it happens everywhere because New York had similar signage. Personal injury is very likely to happen in that city too. Was your coffee too hot? Did the lid fall off while drinking the brew?

It was reported on their litigation calendar that someone even held the cup of steaming coffee between their thighs momentarily, and then the lid fell off.

Did you fall in front of a car in the USA? If so you have a choice, to either sue the driver or the bartender who sold you the liquor.

A non American might say, “was there a notice to say to drink responsibly, on the bottle or a sign on the wall of the bar?” That won’t wash with the litigant because there are many signs like that in bars but due to romance, the lighting was so bad that you couldn’t read the sign.

So here is something you can do in America because it gave me endless mirth and enjoyment. I started to have a conversation in my head and it went a bit like this: “I’m the best lawyer, no I am. No my company will sue your pants off. Yeah, that’s nuthin, we will sue you totally naked, until you walk around with a wine barrel strapped to your shoulders.

You are all a big joke because we have more signs than you, and we take on the bullies and we win.”
Next my pretend lawyer began to doubt himself: Hang on, please don’t think we lawyers are dangerous bullies just because we do this tough aggressive talk on huge billboards across America, every kilometre around Las Vegas, offering to take your unsuspecting people to the cleaners? That’s not our intention.


We met good looking lawyers on signs in Las Vegas

and we met them on signage in NYC.

The signage is needed because the average American knows they can litigate each other for the miserable fee of $50.  In most places that is the cost of filing a lawsuit. A court clerk who hasn’t been to law school, checks that you haven’t made a hash of your form and if not, takes your $50 fee. Later on a judge who has been to law school, may decide you are in with a chance to litigate some poor company or person and make the money you were too lazy to earn, the proper way.

The Yahoo question box, says that law suits are a foil to America being traditionally a violent country.  “We don’t want people settling disagreements with guns, fists, arson, or cars. (We did all of that in the past, said the website)

“What curbed the violence was fixing the system so anyone could sue, even if they were broke. (Broke people are usually the first to shoot.)”

It is all on the Yahoo website, like a dictionary entry on why so many litigate.

When no American can listen to the outside world, it all seems normal but it is most entertaining to shine the bright light of the outside world on America’s laugh a minute legal system.  Do predominantly lazy people sue, or scammers, or people who can’t be bothered getting a job and working hard and banking their own money? You have to guess that part because no expert has addressed it yet.

We thoroughly enjoyed the country with humorous legal habits and signage, refreshingly normal if you haven’t seen the outside world.

Now lets finish this while pretending to be a legal eagle:  “We are educated and you are not too smart, so listen up because this is for your own good. If you sue someone for a paltry $50 fee, you are a fool to yourself and your own financial stability.  Your future depends on litigating someone, somewhere, the proper, professional way.”

One lawyer even boasted that he was voted best lawyer for 2015, which is like the Academy Award for nailing someone’s butt to the floor. I think he is Mr popularity by now.





About John
John started out as a cadet in 1970 at Bundaberg News Mail, continuing as a feature writer at Rockhampton Morning Bulletin, then began producing regular freelance articles for the Sunday Mail and New Idea. Later he took up science writing for Qld climate, water and soil scientists. Whimsical stories and humorous bush poetry is his current passion.