Learn Swedish at Ikea

I went down to Ikea to learn a new lingo,
It isn’t enough to speak the Aussie fluent dingo,
The Swedish words that confronted me,
Appeared like Scandinavian bingo,
And when I started to say those words,
My eyes lit up with the jingo.

I went to Ikea see their kitchen wares and was drawn to a lovely gradvis and the Swedish stares;
An emet, a kapaster, a hovista or medfora,
With an optional saxborga and a functional medfora.

Who could not hack some Knackerbrod rag,
This Rye crispbread was made for Aussie dags,
And Knackerbrod flerkorn you could eat for a week,
Unless Skorpor kardemumma is your special treat,
Basically these Cardamon crisp rolls as a food are quite neat,
Take a backpack full to Sweden, it could feed you for a week.
And what of the meat balls we all love so much,
They are more addictive than anything Dutch,
Then wash it down with Swedish coffee or tea,
And finish with Kaferrep, bikkies,
Before you shop have a pee.

I saw mountains of furniture, that was free from rat sack,
With piles of cupboards, that only came in flat packs,
But I was more interested in their language than a Swedish snack,
They ignored this old geezer when I tried to have a cat nap,
The names of every jolly item were music to my ears,
You too can learn Swedish,
Try it after a couple of beers.

You could be drawn to the kitchen stuff so have a gander at the tutemo,
You could buy an osternas and melholt,
For a little extra dough,
and to my shock the aptilig,
was just a butcher’s block, and so,
Ain’t that fully sick
But I couldn’t help feeling sorry for the sluten ,
Even though it was as cute as a button,
A truly horrid name,
For a simple place mat,
Can we give it a new one,
That doesn’t rhyme with glutton;

Then I headed for the bathroom zone,
As I was warming to the swedish guttural tone,
I was hanging out for a godmorgon (mirror)
But with some luck i could expand it to a odensvik, (wash basin and washstand,)
And who wouldn’t need a balmy ekolin,
When u can combine it with a jolly fryken,
(Box with lid)
And just look at this colorful flodalen,
You could buy a couple to decorate anyone’s den.

And who would have guessed that an awesome majgull,
was a pair of blockout curtains made with love,
I’m seeing a pattern here sonny jack,
Unless I’m going down the totally wrong track,
Thankyou to Ikea, I’m ready to travel,
To Sweden and beyond, to anywhere with gravel,
I can’t believe how easy it was Mack,
To speak the language of fluent flatpack,
Lets embrace with love, Ikea’s meatball behaviour,
And all feel at home in beautiful Scandanavia.

About John
John started out as a cadet in 1970 at Bundaberg News Mail, continuing as a feature writer at Rockhampton Morning Bulletin, then began producing regular freelance articles for the Sunday Mail and New Idea. Later he took up science writing for Qld climate, water and soil scientists. Whimsical stories and humorous bush poetry is his current passion.

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